so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
