We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
