Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
