It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
