We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
