Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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