He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Let's get the cat blown out
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
