I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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