her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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