You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
