First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
