dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
4 words: hood of his car
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
