I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
