You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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