when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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