We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
