I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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