I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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