A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
