he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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