Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
