Heybabeimwearingurpanties
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
