Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
where does the pee come out of this thing
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
