; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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