ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
