were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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