I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
