I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
