i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
