Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
