ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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