i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
