Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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