i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
