Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
well you can't waste a boner
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
