the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
