Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
