Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
