just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
