his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
