Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
