ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
