eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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