Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
