It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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