You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
