She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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