dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
