i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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