her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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