Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
