she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
