Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
